It’s true that some couples end their marriages amicably and enjoy a congenial co-parenting relationship. They can communicate and work together while raising their children.
For others, their divorce is so contentious and emotional that any discussion regarding their children turns into a yelling match. Those parents may want to consider parallel parenting.
Parallel versus co-parenting
Many experts agree that children do better when they have a strong connection with both parents. Parental involvement is crucial for a child’s mental and emotional well-being. Therefore, most judges prefer joint custody arrangements.
Divorced couples with a lower level of conflict typically use a collaborative co-parenting approach. This arrangement emphasizes regular communication and joint decision-making on major issues, such as education, health care and extracurricular activities. In a co-parenting relationship, there is consistency in rules, discipline and routines across both households.
However, co-parenting can be difficult for parents with unresolved personal issues, high-conflict divorce proceedings or different parenting styles.
Parallel parenting allows each parent to operate independently within their own household with their own rules and routines for their children. Communication is limited and typically conducted through written methods such as email, a shared calendar or a parenting app. This approach minimizes the potential for disputes between the parents.
In addition, by reducing the need for frequent interaction, parallel parenting allows each person to focus more on their children’s needs and well-being during their parenting time. Still, this method has its drawbacks, such as:
- The inconsistency between households can confuse children as they try to adapt to different expectations, especially if they are already overwhelmed by the new family dynamics.
- Limited communication could result in overlooking important details.
- Major decisions regarding the children, such as education, healthcare and activities, may be challenging to coordinate.
For many divorcing couples, parallel parenting can be a temporary solution. As time passes and emotions begin to cool, moving towards a more collaborative co-parenting approach may be possible.