Spouses rarely reach the decision to divorce or even to separate at the same time. Often, one spouse believes their problems can be solved with more time and work, while the other feels there’s nothing more to do but move on. Sometimes, neither spouse is completely certain it’s time to make such a big move, but they know things can’t go the way they are.
In any of these situations, discernment counseling can help couples get to a place of agreement and relative certainty – either to continue to work on the marriage or to end it. Discernment counseling is not marriage counseling, where couples work through their issues or maybe just try to be better at communicating with one another – often with little or no thought of divorce.
What happens in discernment counseling?
Discernment counseling generally consists of no more than a few sessions where spouses meet individually and together with a professional — generally a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) who has been trained in discernment counseling. One certified discernment counselor describes the counseling as providing a couple “a place where they can review the history of their marriage and also explore each of their needs and concerns for the future as they move down the path of divorce.”
Discernment counseling can help a couple have a more amicable divorce than they otherwise might have because it can help them better understand each other’s point of view and help them realize that they’re making the best choice for the future. This can make negotiating property division, child custody and other agreements less stressful and combative. Having sound legal guidance can also help each spouse protect their rights and make the best decisions.
